Wine: 

It's been around a long time - my Microbiology professor had a funny theory about how it was the bacterial fermentation of fruits that led to oral history and communities . . . But he's a bit biased, I would think, about that 'theory'

The definition of wine is fermented juice of fruit.  Grapes, which is what most wines are made from, are best grown in the latitudes  between 30 and 50 degrees (both North and South).  These areas include:  France, Italy, Germany, Austria, Spain, Portugal, the US (California and Oregon), Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Hungary, Romania, Brazil, and Argentina, among others. 

Cru means high-quality French, sec means dry, doux means sweet.  Except in champagne, where brut means dry. 

There are six steps in making wine:  harvesting, crushing, pressing, fermentation, maturing, and finishing. 

Wine should be stored in a dark and damp place (like a cellar!).  The temperature should be between 40-65 degrees Farenheit and the humidity should be around 70%, to help keep the cork in good condition.  UV ruins a lot of good things - wine included.  Dark bottles are best.  Wines should be stored horizontally - so the wine is kept in contact with the cork.  The cork is actually a very important part of the whole storing wine thing. 

The best wines to store are red wines, because they almost always improve with age (if you keep it right).  White wines generally don't need to age for years. 

Serving wine at the correct temperature helps it taste its best.  Rather than summarize all that (about 60 degrees F), I'll just link to a chart listing the types and the optimal serving temperature. Red wines room temperature, white wines chilled, rule of thumb.  Generally speaking, red wine with red meat and white wine with white meat. 

You swirl the wine in the glass before you drink it.  If the trails, called legs, fall quickly back down, the wine has a lower alcohol content.  The swirling also helps the wine release its aroma.  If it smells like wet cardboard, don't drink it.  Then taste it.  The feel of the wine, i.e. weight, is its body. 

Wine in moderation can be good for you because of the phenols.  I'll end with common varietals:

Chardonnay - white, rich and usually fruity, very sensitive to flavor factors.  Full-bodied and smooth.

Riesling - white, usually floral or apple, German Riesling considered among best of white wines. Works with range from light to spicy flavors. Grey, Italian, or Missouri are not true Rieslings and are also not nearly as good.

Sauvignon Blanc - white, flavors of grass, bell peppers, or grapefruit.  Higher acidity, so sharper.  Can be sweet or dry.

Cabernet Sauvignon - red, black currant aroma, one of the best agers. Somewhat astringent taste.

Merlot - red, lighter aroma and taste than the Cabernet Sauvignon, also generally more herbaceous.

Pinot Noir - red, aromas of black cherry, grape, peppermint, or tomato.  Rich and velvety, full-bodied.  Best with roast beef or the expensive birds. 

Syrah - Shiraz in Australia - red, close to black in color, spicy, with a high alcohol taste.

Zinfandel - red, variable, can be light and fruity or not.  Best within five years of vintage.

That about covers an hour's worth of wine-reading.  Oh yeah, they're also doing genetic profiling of grapes to figure out how all the types of wines are related.  Maybe that could be my job!